What Katy Writes

Why is it that self-acceptance can be such a hard task?  I have been trying so hard to focus in a positive way when I talk to or about myself, not in a way to make myself sound like I think I'm better than others, but just in a way to actually not be self loathing.  To be honest, I'm finding it really exhausting.  It's like I have surges.  Surges where I feel content and able to be nice to myself and then all of a sudden another surge of hatred and negativity overtakes that and I'm right back where I started.  It turns out that making the decision to try and love yourself is much harder than actually doing it. Self destructive behaviour is really common, I know that.  Normally, my behaviour changes depending on the day.  A lot of people see Mondays as a negative thing and I have to admit that has been me and I don't love getting up for work after a lovely weekend, but Mondays I always tend to have more resolve and seem more able to treat mysel...

My most recent posts seem to have centred on my anxiety disorder that I was officially diagnosed with only this year.  I have received a fair amount of feedback about this and let me just start by saying that I'm not speaking about my issues in an effort to get attention and I'm definitely not trying to sound like I'm trying to be some kind of hero.  I write about it because it helps me, and if someone comes across my writing and it helps them in some way too, then that is my ultimate aim.  I know how terrible it is to live with a crippling fear that nobody else understands.  I know how it feels to be belittled and told to just "toughen up" and I know how it feels to be so frustrated by myself and my brain that I start to believe what others are saying - but no more.  I was lucky enough to attend a seminar that was run by Fay Jackson last Friday that was about mental health and how to deal with it not only on a personal level but also within the family un...