What Katy Writes

It's customary to reflect on the year you have had when December 31st rolls around.  It's also customary for lots of people to make resolutions for the new year.  I'm not a fan of resolutions.  I usually make a couple in my head but never really commit, never really believe that they will happen.  This year I've decided that I will focus on intent; intentionally living, intentionally trying to better myself physically and emotionally.  Not focussing on words that I can so easily turn into negatives (because hello, that's kind of my thing). Reflections: 2017 was a hard but beautiful year.  I don't think I have ever grown so much, fought so much, loved so much.  At the end of 2016, I could barely walk to the end of my driveway or be in my backyard without having a panic attack.  In the last few days alone we have been to the beach, the park, and a vineyard with friends.  Not to mention the copious amounts of time Isaac and I now spend ...

 I haven't written for a while. Things have been... hard. I don't like to be negative, I feel like my last few posts have a positive vibe, I felt like I was finally starting to have a positive vibe. I forgot about the journey.  I forgot that things can change really quickly.  I forgot that there is no such things as a straight, upwards line when it comes to recovery.  I forgot how it felt to have that panic grabbing me, I forgot how fast that lump could come back to my throat, how my stomach could so easily twist into knots and I could dread facing the day. I can't believe I forgot. Unfortunately, over the last few weeks - I have been reminded. I can't really pinpoint when it started.  I was feeling good, I was coping well, I was smiling.  All of a sudden, I started crying a lot.  I started losing my patience must faster than usual.  I felt sick.  I didn't want to get up and spend a day at home trying to keep Isa...

DOING: Sitting on the couch in the rumpus room with Reid, typing this post while he plays his Xbox and Isaac naps. HEARING: "Best of Us Go Down" by Aquilo.  I've been really enjoying this band and they regularly pop up in my weekly recommended playlists on iTunes. DRINKING: I just finished drinking an iced coffee.  I have such a weakness for them and try to limit them to only once a week, because: sugar.  It was so good though.  Otherwise I have been having my usual drinks - lots of coffee, lots of water with lemon and the odd green tea. EATING AND COOKING: I have been getting right back into my roasted vegetable obsession.  Roasting up big trays of sweet potato and broccoli every week.  Isaac is loving frittatas, so I have been making those with chopped sweet potato, broccoli, carrot and corn. He seems to be coming out of his brief fussy stage and is back to eating pretty much everything again which is a huge relief for me. I have been ver...

I've spent most of my time on this blog of late, talking about parenting.  I feel like it's just inevitable that when you become a parent, it mostly consumes you.  You can lose your sense of self for a while, and although I definitely think some of that has come back to me - I still spend most of my time thinking about what kind of Mum I'm trying to be; what kind of Mum I want to be. I thought I would take this opportunity to talk about my own Mum.  It was her 62nd birthday yesterday.  Reid and I had our family over to our place for the afternoon with a few of Mum's favourite foods (cheesecake, good cheese and biscuits {she really loves cheese}, coconut cake and coffee/herbal tea).  Birthdays are a time to be truly grateful for someone and show them love and appreciation.  I try to do this as often as I can with my Mum, because she really is amazing and I would be lost without her; but on her birthday, I sat watching her flit from person to person, ...

I was talking to a close friend earlier in the week (credit for this post idea goes to you, Mim!) and she asked me about my experience with mental health professionals - strategies I found helpful, how the whole idea of therapy works - quite a lot of questions really, and I found I couldn't quite articulate answers properly at the time, so she suggested that I do a post about it.  This has made me really think about things that have and haven't worked for me - and maybe pass on little tips that could help others (although I am by no means a professional!) - these are merely my opinions.  This post is focussing purely on the psychologists I have dealt with.  {Sorry in advance about the weird formatting of this post (and some previous posts haha), I always seem to stuff it up and don't have to patience to try to fix it!).   I have been seeing mental health professionals on and off for the last eight years....

Hearing: The playlist iTunes picks for me every week - "My Chill Mix" - at the minute, the song "Sweethearts" by Foy Vance is playing.  I'm liking it. Drinking: I have been indulging in the occasional wine over the last month or so.  I haven't really drunk a lot of alcohol since Isaac was born (or while I was pregnant, obviously); but I have been starting to enjoy a glass here and there.  I am also drinking lots of coffee as always, and water with lemon. Green tea with lemon slices has also been making a regular appearance. Eating & Cooking: I have been making quite a few curries of late. Korma is my favourite at the minute.  I haven't been as good with meal-prepping for my lunches, but have found these "wellness bowls" at the supermarket that I bought quite a few of when they were on special and they have been a healthy, easy alternative. It's become a bit of a tradition to make banana pikelets every weekend (just mashed ba...

It has been a really big couple of weeks.  I have been back at work for two months already; I have exceeded my expectations with it so much which makes me incredibly happy and proud, but I feel like I have sort of been in a "honeymoon period" with it and I have been running on mostly adrenaline (and coffee... always coffee), but this last week I have found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed and run-down... I honestly don't really know where to start.  This last week in particular has felt both challenging and rewarding for one big reason - I was officially discharged as a patient from my psychiatrist last Thursday.  I first saw him when I was admitted to the Mother Baby Unit, sitting on a couch, sobbing my heart out, holding tiny Isaac in my arms before practically begging my sister to take him from me.  From that minute, we have worked together to get me to where I am today.  A grateful Mum, a working Mum, an anxious Mum ~ but a (mostly)...

 Isaac is nearly 18 months old.  I can't believe that it was only 18 months ago that I gave birth to our baby who is growing into such a cheeky, adventurous, hilarious little boy.  I have been doing much better with life and motherhood in general over the last few months, particularly since going back to work as you might have read in a previous post.  Compared with those first few months, things have changed so much, and for that I am so glad - but over the last couple of weeks I've come to realise that there are still a few things I haven't really dealt with or come to terms with when it comes to my journey with postnatal depression.  On a side note, someone said to me that by blogging, sharing and talking about this journey, I am never giving myself the chance to "move on" (yes, I was really infuriated, but have to accept that sharing things in a public forum is going to spark conversation with people I know); but I wholeheartedly disagree.  Th...

Doing: Typing this blog post while drinking my second coffee for the day and smiling at how cute Isaac looks when he is asleep (we have a video monitor). Hearing: "Cannonball" by The Sweeplings.  I have just discovered their music and it is really beautiful.  I go through big music phases - at the minute I'm loving gentle, acoustic songs with lovely lyrics.  This band ticks all the boxes. Drinking: Coffee.  Always coffee.  And lots of lemon water. Eating & Cooking:  I made a particularly good batch of Bolognese this week if I do say so myself which lasted a few meals.  Another dish we have been loving is beef Pad See Ew - a really lovely stir fry that once again can stretch over a couple of nights.  I've been keeping up my meal prep for lunches through the week - always roasting big batches of sweet potato and broccoli, this week I added zucchini, leek and cauliflower which was a lovely combo with my tinned fish.  I have ...

  A few things have been making me really angry and upset lately.  As usual, to do with such a large percentage of people's opinions on mental health and the stigma that is STILL attached to it.  I know things are much more readily talked about and acknowledged these days; we aren't just thrown into asylums or hidden away because of "nervous breakdowns", but far out, there is still so much education that needs to happen and even the smallest amount of empathy from some people would be nice. A number of people have said to me that "mental health issues seem to be a fad - everyone has something wrong with them just to fit in".  Needless to say, that comment did not go down well with me.  "People are just looking for attention" - once again, this makes me incredibly angry, and even if this WAS the case with some people, that's still a cry for help.  People need to be taken seriously.  People need to feel supported and loved, not judged....

Well, my first week back at work is over and I can't believe how much I enjoyed it.  When I was pregnant, I was so sure that I would never want to go back to work again, I was certain that being a full-time stay-at-home Mum was my calling... maybe not! (Definitely not...) Everything seems so much clearer.  We can save money again. We can buy things we want, not just need, again. We can start paying extra off the mortgage.  I can breathe.  I can feel productive and appreciated and socially capable with my anxiety kept at bay.  My agoraphobia seems to be entirely related to going anywhere public with Isaac.  Walking into work on Monday morning honestly felt like a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.  My wonderful colleagues both in my office and across Australia (my team is spread all over the country, I am the only one in Tassie but get to work with some amazing people in person who work in different departments), have made me fee...

It's no secret that I have a lot of feelings and I share them openly.  I know that's not everyone's cup of tea and I respect that.  All that mushy stuff I say and feel and discuss makes some people uncomfortable, makes them roll their eyes and hopefully hit the "unfollow" button from any of my social media accounts - and that's totally OK.  But I am not going to stop sharing.  I have received so many messages, emails and texts from people I know, and also people from all over the world who have read a blog post or seen something that resonated with them on my Instagram or Facebook page - and while I by no means have a significant "following", I will continue to share as I see fit.  Because it is my blog/Facebook/Instagram after all.  I absolutely understand and agree that everyone has a right to their opinion, but for any negativity that might crop up there is a lot more positivity in response to what I write and share, and that is what I care a...

I have decided to replicate this idea of a "Happenings" post that my favourite blogger Heidi from www.applesundermybed.com started doing a while ago.  It seems like a nice little way to take stock, take a break, reflect on some things I wouldn't think about normally and also break up any post monotony that I know I can be guilty of (the same thoughts seem to take over my brain most of the time!).  I really enjoy reading these, so I figured why not try writing some every now and then. DOING: Sitting next to Reid on the rumpus room couch, enjoying the fact that he has two weeks off work to spend with Isaac and I before I return to work part-time early next month.  Today, Isaac is at childcare and I just got off the phone from checking in on him.  He's having a great morning - knowing how much he enjoys going is making this transition so much easier than I thought it would be (although it's still really hard). HEARING: Reid clicking away at his Xbo...