What Katy Writes

Reid and I with 10 week old Isaac I've touched on this topic a few posts back, I wasn't sure if I felt comfortable posting about it in too much detail - but I've decided to once again be open about how I'm feeling and what I'm thinking and what a difficult time I'm having trying to decide if I will ever have another baby. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist this week (he is wonderful, I absolutely wouldn't have gotten through the past year without him), and he asked me point blank "are you going to have another baby?"  His questioning was mostly do with the medication side of things, the weaning process, what I would feel comfortable taking while trying to conceive, then after conception - all that medical stuff, but we both know it's a much deeper question than that.  Isaac is nearly 15 months old now - the questions and comments started long ago: "he needs a play mate" "wait until you have two to run around after...

I know I am prone to being a bit of a negative Nancy (the beginning of this post sounds like that's what I'm going to be; but try to stick with me).  It's something I try really hard to work on every day.  Some days, she wins - other days, I win; and some days, reality hits me so hard in the face I just can't believe how self-centred I can be.  I talk about my struggles with mental health and motherhood and they are real and incredibly difficult for me.  Then I read stories and know the absolute heartache and hurt that our world is filled with.  War, poverty, domestic violence, disease, terrorism, infertility; the list goes on.  There come times when I realise I need to take a step back and appreciate all the things I do have.  A home, family, food - basic necessities for safety and survival at my fingertips.  Things I often don't give a second thought to.  I know I have struggled with lots of things...