What Katy Writes

It's strange how things can be so great but so not-great at the same time.  Right now I feel I'm caught between two worlds.  One full of happy, exciting things and one full of exhaustion and fear.  A lot has happened in the last few weeks.  We finally became the owners of our block of land that we had been waiting for, for nine months.  We have an official start date for our house to be built and we should be in our home by Christmas.  I have enrolled in my Uni subjects for this year and have bought most of the necessary things to make studying a success.  At the same time as being incredibly excited for these things, I am feeling really overwhelmed.  Work has been so busy and that constant pressure really takes its toll on me.  Reid has to start working weekends again which upsets me more than I can put into words, although I know it's not the end of the world (although to me, it feels like it) and I already miss him like crazy....

I did it!  I applied to Uni, got in, accepted my offer, enrolled in my subjects, applied for HECS (loan from the government to cover my fees that I will pay back) and I am good to start studying my Master of Teaching in July this year. Such a huge, huge leap for me.  If you've read any of my other posts, you'll know that I am not a big fan of change.  I know that nine times out of ten, change can be a really positive thing, its just the thought more than anything that scares me and puts me off making radical decisions about my life.  I have dreamed of being a teacher for as long as I can remember, but I have been putting it off for almost three years now, as I believed there was a certain waay I had to do it, a certain way to make it work, a certain plan to have in place.  All of that is true to an extent, but as I think about my main aims in life, it really is simple: It will all be OK.   I get so caught up in worst case scenarios that I forget ...

I quite like the term “soul searching”.   I feel like it’s a really good description for what I’ve been doing over the past few months.   I have been feeling restless and unhappy - mostly just because of the frustrating aspects of my job, but I have found that this has been leaking into all facets of my life which has made me a bit unbearable lately.    A while ago I wrote a post about wanting to be a teacher.   I was so sure at that point, that it was what I was going to do this year:   go back to Uni, study and then teach.   But… I got scared.   Really scared.   The thought of being so limited financially really took over and here I am, still working full time, still unhappy.    Reid and I have discussed this at length and I have finally decided that I just need to leap. Next year, I am going to study teaching.   It is going to be tough, but I can’t keep being stuck in a place where I’m unhappy, stressed and ultimately ...

First post for 2014 and it's already March!  As usual time has been flying by, I'm still trying to maintain positivity and mindfulness although have been finding it fairly difficult of late. I've spoken about body issues a fair bit, so I'm sorry to be repetitive, but that's what has been occupying my mind a lot over the last couple of months.  Six weeks ago, I signed up for the Michelle Bridges 12WBT ( www.12wbt.com.au ).  I was so excited about this at first, figuring this would be the kick start to really change my habits and my mindsets.  Six weeks in, I am feeling pretty torn about the whole thing.  On the one hand, I do think it is an excellent program, full of lovely, healthy recipes, full of differing exercises and online videos and forums.  I joined the women's weight loss program, which limits me to 1200 calories a day, and for my height/weight Michelle (or Mish, as I totally call her now, we are definitely friends and she totally cares ab...

2013 is drawing to a close and I truly can’t believe it.  I know that everyone says time flies, but this year in particular seems to have disappeared before my eyes.  Lots has happened this year and at the same time, it has been a blur of routine. The biggest, most important event of the year was without a doubt my marriage to the man of my dreams  on 2 nd  March .  The weather was perfect, our favourite people in the world were there with us and we ended the day as husband and wife.  I can’t believe that in a couple of months it will be a year since that day.  The happiest day of my life. Mostly 2013 was filled with work.  I have really struggled in my job over the last two years, but I can finally say that I am starting to enjoy it and honestly I feel truly lucky to even have a full time job.  I get to help people every day, even though it is definitely a challenge, I have to believe that it’s maki...

Struggle street. That term is thrown around a lot these days and everyone has been a resident at some point in their lives.  Some people have even built a permanent home there, cemented their foundations and bricked up the walls so they can't break free whether they want to or not.  They have given up and believe that their lives are always going to be this way.  I see people every day in my job who believe that this is their reality, their only option, their only road.  It breaks my heart and often there isn't anything I can do to help.  This is not a place I want to be, but right now, I do have a little tent erected in the middle of this road.  It's not permanent, and I will be doing my best to move the hell out, but right now, that's where I am. A lot has been going on in my life over the past few months.  I haven't realised at the time because it's just what my life has been, but as I look back even over the past few weeks, I have fou...

Why is it that self-acceptance can be such a hard task?  I have been trying so hard to focus in a positive way when I talk to or about myself, not in a way to make myself sound like I think I'm better than others, but just in a way to actually not be self loathing.  To be honest, I'm finding it really exhausting.  It's like I have surges.  Surges where I feel content and able to be nice to myself and then all of a sudden another surge of hatred and negativity overtakes that and I'm right back where I started.  It turns out that making the decision to try and love yourself is much harder than actually doing it. Self destructive behaviour is really common, I know that.  Normally, my behaviour changes depending on the day.  A lot of people see Mondays as a negative thing and I have to admit that has been me and I don't love getting up for work after a lovely weekend, but Mondays I always tend to have more resolve and seem more able to treat mysel...