DOING: Sitting on the bed and writing this post. Isaac has been particularly challenging over the last few days (just normal three year old stuff) so I'm taking a few minutes to take a breath. Although I have no doubt he will be creeping into the room shortly! He is very attached to his Mama of late. Beautiful, exhausting - always opposing feelings jostling for frontrunner.
HEARING: The song "Steady Now" by nilu - I am loving it, have had it on high rotation this week. I am also right into podcasts at the minute. So many good ones out there that make my lunch time gym sessions more enjoyable haha. My favourites so far would have to be "Cold", "Dirty John", "Gilmore Guys" (obviously), "The Dropout" - I've only just started this one, "Who the Hell is Hamish?" and the obsession started with "The Teacher's Pet". I've also listened to some good parenting episodes on "Unruffled" and "Feed Play Love".
DRINKING: I just finished my third coffee for the day... we had a wakeful night.
EATING AND COOKING: I have been feeling overwhelmed by cooking lately. I'm not too sure why, I think I am just tired and everything feels like too much. We actually ordered some meals from a company called "Meal Machines" and it has been so nice not to think about meal prep over the last week. The meals are healthy and well-balanced (I have added some extra veggies to some dishes though) and we have enjoyed the majority of them. We have two left ready for tomorrow night and Tuesday night. Other than that I haven't been putting much effort in. Just standard meat of some kind with vegetables, stir fry, usually bolognese once a fortnight - the usual. This week I'll be doing a slow cooked beef and vegetable stew at some stage and that will last a couple of nights - it's gotten significantly colder so quickly since March began and I'm already cravings stews, curries and maybe a big batch of spicy pumpkin soup soon with some fresh sourdough. Yes.
WANTING: To write more. To stop feeling guilty when I feel the need to practice more self care. To never forget the beautiful way Isaac loves me right now. To keep breathing deeply and keep trying to parent with patience and warm discipline.
LOOKING: At my bookshelf. I would love a full wall of shelves in our house one day - either this one or when we eventually build/buy our dream home. I love books so much, Isaac is really into them at this age as well which is lovely. He has his favourites that we read over and over again and somehow I don't get sick of them... yet! We have always read to him a lot and he sees it as a real treat which is the loveliest thing. Cuddling up to read books to him is one of my favourite things. Watching Reid do it is also pretty great.
DECIDING: What things to priorities getting done around our house. Mostly outside, landscaping kind of stuff - not my forte. Reid has lots of ideas but we don't have the time or money to make them come to fruition at the minute.
ENJOYING: The constant feeling of gratefulness that I have for my life - even when it's hard and I'm struggling and everything seems overwhelming, I am still so grateful for my healthy child, my husband, our home, our situation. Things can change so rapidly and there are lots of terrible things going on - we are so lucky.
WATCHING: We have been chopping and changing a lot with what we've been watching lately. We just finished After Life on Netflix and that was amazing. Ricky Gervais is such a clever man. Creating a show full of grief that was also hilarious and so thought-provoking - we loved it. I have also been watching the latest season of Grey's Anatomy when I have a chance because I still love that show! We also recently saw Bohemian Rhapsody at the cinema and we LOVED it. We are still talking about it. I also started watching the Madeline McCann documentary on Netflix which is awful but fascinating. I feel like there couldn't be anything worse than losing your child, the thought absolutely breaks my heart.
READING: I have been making a conscious effort to read more which is so good for me in every way. I just finished My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante - SO good, I'm quarter of the way through the second one (The Story of a New Name) and I am also reading Mothering our Boys by Maggie Dent that I think I will literally just read over and over again and never put down so I can absorb as much information from it as possible. Same goes for Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.
WEARING: My new favourite clothing is anything from Blue Bungalow. Their bamboo range is my favourite. Leggings and a skirt with nice tops and ponte pants are my current work uniform and leggings or trackpants with baggy tops and jumpers around home.
PLAYING: Isaac is loving role play at the moment. For some reason he is obsessed with pretending to be a "kitty cat" and he likes Reid and I to crawl around the house with him because we are "a kitty cat family". He puts on a cute little voice and everything, it's very sweet. He also likes to pretend to be "a little tiny baby" and he curls up on my lap for cuddles and songs. Other than that, digging with his trucks in sand or dirt and then making piles is his other favourite pastime.
BUYING: I have been trying to buy less over the past few months but there always seems to be something we need (or really, really want...). Most recent purchases have been winter vests and warm trousers for Isaac and bigger shoes - he is growing out of everything so fast! We are lucky to get lots of hand me downs from his older cousin who is 5 and that definitely helps us so much.
PLANNING: A weekend trip to Sydney in October for one of my friend's weddings. I am so excited and we will be looking at flights and accommodation soon.
CRAVING: I have been really wanting chocolate lately. It's such a comfort food for me when I'm not feeling at my best. I am trying to eat it in moderation though as I am still working hard to lose weight - but at the same time I don't deprive myself of treats and still want to enjoy life. It's a hard balance for me to find.
LOVING: Going to the gym. I am so much fitter and stronger than I've been for a long time. I wish that society (and me at times!) didn't view things solely on how people look when it comes to health and fitness. I am bigger than I want to be but also fitter than I've been in years - health is actually possible at every size, it would be great to feel like that point was truly acknowledged and accepted.
FEELING: Conflicted. There have been lots of ups and downs for me mentally over the past few months. It's like I either feel really happy or really bad - there doesn't seem to be a happy medium at the minute. I am trying so hard to put things in perspective and focus on how far I have come, but things do wear me down and my head is my own worst enemy most of the time. Taking a lower dose of Effexor is still difficult and while I'm not struggling as much as I was at the beginning of the weaning process I still feel fairly unbalanced most of the time. Like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and one little breath of wind sends me swooping into awful territory. I am trying to breathe through those times and relish the moments I feel like I'm at least 10 metres from the edge, just enjoying the view.
HEARING: The song "Steady Now" by nilu - I am loving it, have had it on high rotation this week. I am also right into podcasts at the minute. So many good ones out there that make my lunch time gym sessions more enjoyable haha. My favourites so far would have to be "Cold", "Dirty John", "Gilmore Guys" (obviously), "The Dropout" - I've only just started this one, "Who the Hell is Hamish?" and the obsession started with "The Teacher's Pet". I've also listened to some good parenting episodes on "Unruffled" and "Feed Play Love".
DRINKING: I just finished my third coffee for the day... we had a wakeful night.
EATING AND COOKING: I have been feeling overwhelmed by cooking lately. I'm not too sure why, I think I am just tired and everything feels like too much. We actually ordered some meals from a company called "Meal Machines" and it has been so nice not to think about meal prep over the last week. The meals are healthy and well-balanced (I have added some extra veggies to some dishes though) and we have enjoyed the majority of them. We have two left ready for tomorrow night and Tuesday night. Other than that I haven't been putting much effort in. Just standard meat of some kind with vegetables, stir fry, usually bolognese once a fortnight - the usual. This week I'll be doing a slow cooked beef and vegetable stew at some stage and that will last a couple of nights - it's gotten significantly colder so quickly since March began and I'm already cravings stews, curries and maybe a big batch of spicy pumpkin soup soon with some fresh sourdough. Yes.
WANTING: To write more. To stop feeling guilty when I feel the need to practice more self care. To never forget the beautiful way Isaac loves me right now. To keep breathing deeply and keep trying to parent with patience and warm discipline.
LOOKING: At my bookshelf. I would love a full wall of shelves in our house one day - either this one or when we eventually build/buy our dream home. I love books so much, Isaac is really into them at this age as well which is lovely. He has his favourites that we read over and over again and somehow I don't get sick of them... yet! We have always read to him a lot and he sees it as a real treat which is the loveliest thing. Cuddling up to read books to him is one of my favourite things. Watching Reid do it is also pretty great.
DECIDING: What things to priorities getting done around our house. Mostly outside, landscaping kind of stuff - not my forte. Reid has lots of ideas but we don't have the time or money to make them come to fruition at the minute.
ENJOYING: The constant feeling of gratefulness that I have for my life - even when it's hard and I'm struggling and everything seems overwhelming, I am still so grateful for my healthy child, my husband, our home, our situation. Things can change so rapidly and there are lots of terrible things going on - we are so lucky.
READING: I have been making a conscious effort to read more which is so good for me in every way. I just finished My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante - SO good, I'm quarter of the way through the second one (The Story of a New Name) and I am also reading Mothering our Boys by Maggie Dent that I think I will literally just read over and over again and never put down so I can absorb as much information from it as possible. Same goes for Playful Parenting by Lawrence Cohen.
WEARING: My new favourite clothing is anything from Blue Bungalow. Their bamboo range is my favourite. Leggings and a skirt with nice tops and ponte pants are my current work uniform and leggings or trackpants with baggy tops and jumpers around home.
PLAYING: Isaac is loving role play at the moment. For some reason he is obsessed with pretending to be a "kitty cat" and he likes Reid and I to crawl around the house with him because we are "a kitty cat family". He puts on a cute little voice and everything, it's very sweet. He also likes to pretend to be "a little tiny baby" and he curls up on my lap for cuddles and songs. Other than that, digging with his trucks in sand or dirt and then making piles is his other favourite pastime.
BUYING: I have been trying to buy less over the past few months but there always seems to be something we need (or really, really want...). Most recent purchases have been winter vests and warm trousers for Isaac and bigger shoes - he is growing out of everything so fast! We are lucky to get lots of hand me downs from his older cousin who is 5 and that definitely helps us so much.
PLANNING: A weekend trip to Sydney in October for one of my friend's weddings. I am so excited and we will be looking at flights and accommodation soon.
CRAVING: I have been really wanting chocolate lately. It's such a comfort food for me when I'm not feeling at my best. I am trying to eat it in moderation though as I am still working hard to lose weight - but at the same time I don't deprive myself of treats and still want to enjoy life. It's a hard balance for me to find.
LOVING: Going to the gym. I am so much fitter and stronger than I've been for a long time. I wish that society (and me at times!) didn't view things solely on how people look when it comes to health and fitness. I am bigger than I want to be but also fitter than I've been in years - health is actually possible at every size, it would be great to feel like that point was truly acknowledged and accepted.
FEELING: Conflicted. There have been lots of ups and downs for me mentally over the past few months. It's like I either feel really happy or really bad - there doesn't seem to be a happy medium at the minute. I am trying so hard to put things in perspective and focus on how far I have come, but things do wear me down and my head is my own worst enemy most of the time. Taking a lower dose of Effexor is still difficult and while I'm not struggling as much as I was at the beginning of the weaning process I still feel fairly unbalanced most of the time. Like I'm standing at the edge of a cliff and one little breath of wind sends me swooping into awful territory. I am trying to breathe through those times and relish the moments I feel like I'm at least 10 metres from the edge, just enjoying the view.
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