I haven't written in this space for a while. The start to 2020 has been tumultuous on a global scale. Any thoughts and topics I can write about at the moment seem trivial and redundant. I have a lot going on in my head though, and writing about it creates some clarity. I also want to share here, because I want to reach out to anyone who needs a break from news articles and sensationalised media stories. I also want to take the time to say please reach out if you are struggling with everything that's going on. Call a helpline, check on your family and friends, check in with yourself, take deep breaths and drink plenty of water. I am always here for anyone who needs someone to talk to. Send me a message, send an email - whatever works. We are all in this together, and we need to help get each other through as best as we can. Sending love and strength to everyone right now X.
DOING: Typing this while I have a lunch break. The company I work for has instructed anyone who doesn't have direct client contact, to work from home for the foreseeable future. I am incredibly lucky to have the kind of position I do. We are in scary times and it's not lost on me that not everyone has the ability to stay home right now. I haven't felt comfortable sending Isaac to childcare with everything that's going on, purely because my Dad is having some medical treatment at the minute and his immune system is weakened as a result. Last week Isaac was really unwell himself, (nothing to do with COVID-19 and nothing contagious) so he hasn't been to childcare since Dad's treatment started, so at this stage I am happy for them to be around each other. My Dad needs every bit of joy he can get in his life right now, and Isaac can certainly provide some of that. We are of course still being very careful, if Isaac gets sick at all things will change and it all depends on how my Dad is feeling too.
HEARING: "Bleed Me White" by the Sweeplings. I'm in the mood for slow, calming music at the moment... I'm still loving Podcasts too. I finished "Mum says my memoir is a lie" by Rosie Waterland which was brilliant, I've also been listening to a few of her new episodes on "Just the Gist". I just started "Dying for Sex" which is about the sexual awakening of a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer - it's fascinating and heartbreaking and really life-affirming. I've listened to most of Esther Perel's "Where Should We Begin" relationship podcast and also finished "Chasing Cosby" which was shocking... just, horrible what he has done. It was also recommended to me to listen to an episode of the Shameless podcast, called, "A litte dose of joy" (that's where I heard the recommendation to listen to "Dying for Sex"), and at this kind of time where we are living in such uncertain times, it was a really lovely listen.
DRINKING: I don't think I have ever put a different response to this question haha. Right now I am sipping on my drink bottle full of water, I am still drinking lots of coffee, green tea, peppermint tea and Sauvignon Blanc a few nights a week.
BUYING: Reid and I have been trying to be very thoughtful and purposeful about our purchases at the minute given the current climate. We haven't been panic buying, but Reid is the only one who has been going to the supermarket and butcher once a week. We have bought some good quality meat, plenty of vegetables, fruit, bread, toilet paper ha - NOT STOCK PILING, however. I also ordered some craft supplies for Isaac over the next few weeks. Stickers, textas, paints, scrap books, that kind of thing. He isn't entertained by things like that for long, but it can buy me half an hour here and there when I really need it, although of course he would much rather that I'm doing it all with him rather than be drawing or painting on his own. We have just rearranged our rumpus room as a makeshift office for the time being, and we are looking at bookshelf options for one of the walls - I might finally have my dream of floor to ceiling shelves covering an entire wall! It's the same room my piano is in as well, so it would be an office/library/music room. Reid is doing all the research at the moment but the prospect is very exciting and something to look forward to when things all seem a bit dire. We had to cancel our trip to Singapore we were meant to be going on next month which has been a big blow, but there are much more serious things going on and hopefully we can re-book in a year or so when everything has well and truly calmed down...
EATING AND COOKING: I have been in the kitchen quite a lot of late. Isaac is really enjoying baking and helping me cook. We made rainbow cupcakes last week which turned out really nicely, I made a delicious Penang chicken curry last weekend and a really good beef and broccolini stir fry last night. Reid made a couple of big batches of fried rice for his work lunches and we have portions of all of the above in the freezer (except for the cupcakes) to last us a few meals here and there. I am planning on making a batch of Thai pumpkin soup soon and am really into looking up recipes at the minute, there's lots I want to try. There is a particular Dhal recipe I have wanted to try for ages, as well as getting a bit creative with pasta and also tray bakes - I love these kinds of meals.
DECIDING: Far out. It feels like there's been nothing but big decisions lately. It was really awful that Isaac was so unwell last week, but it has meant he has been away from childcare for over a week and I have decided not to send him back at this stage. That makes my work very difficult to get done, although my boss is allowing my a decent amount of flexibility which I'm very grateful for, and while my Dad is feeling OK and my Mum is taking time off over the next few months, they have offered to help during the afternoons for a bit. All of this could change any minute though depending on Isaac's health (I won't let him near Dad if he's not well) and also my Dad's health (I won't have him with Mum and Dad if my Dad is struggling). These are all very small problems in the grand scheme of things, and at this point I have no choice but to take things day by day and see how things unfold for my family and also for the world...
ENJOYING: Fresh air. Getting outside with Isaac brings me more joy than him at the minute. I am a homebody without doubt, but I have been feeling a little bit claustrophobic, a little bit flustered and a lot anxious. Getting outside in the background and putting my feet on the grass, looking at the sky and taking some deep breaths is helping to keep me grounded. I'm hoping that we will be able to go to some quiet beaches over the coming weeks on the weekends, not to go near anybody else (obviously) but just to have a wander and a play in the sand and breathe the ocean air that is so good for the soul. Moments like that, are what we are all going to need for now I think. We will likely spend a fair bit of time at my parents' bush block on weekends too. Heading up on Saturday mornings every couple of weeks and switching off completely in the fresh air.
WATCHING: Isaac is currently obsessed with Moana. He has never been interested in movies before, but this one is a hit. Although... he does just fast forward to the "Shiny" song and then to the very end with the "lava monster" haha and plays those two parts over and over again. He does like all the songs as well, and we have been listening to them in the car. So fun...
Reid and I have been watching Peaky Blinders. What show!
READING: I have been reading a lot lately and it's been great. Over the last couple of months I have finished Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton which was absolutely brilliant. The Nowhere Child by Christian White which was a different kind of book than I usually go for, but it was really good! This is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay - so good. So funny. So shocking!
I have also been reading bits and pieces from The Way of Rest by Jeff Foster which seems really relevant right now and is such beautiful writing. I am also re-reading The Moonflower Monologues by Tess Guinery here and there, which is a stunning collection of poetry.
PLANNING: There are lots of tentative "plans" running through my head at the moment. I'm writing lists of potential activities for Isaac to do over the coming weeks/months at home, I'm trying to plan meals, how I can be most productive at work while still trying to care for Isaac at least half of the day. I'm trying to plan how we can get through this winter (mentally and emotionally) if we are all still physically distancing, and I'm trying to plan how on earth I can fit in any self care at all. Again, I know my "problems" are very first-world and I am very lucky overall. I am absolutely aware of that and very grateful at the same time as being a bit anxious and overwhelmed by it all.
PLAYING: We have been playing a LOT lately. Isaac is going through one of his "I don't want to play by myself... ever" phases which can be so difficult. I bought a pack of "Bluey" themed cards the other week that has five different game options to do with them. Isaac has been really enjoying Memory and Snap with them. He is really into LEGO at the minute as well as building blocks, his trucks still, of course, and he is also liking to build train tracks and his matchbox cars are a constant favourite as well. Other games like hide and seek and a modified version of I Spy have been happening fairly regularly too.
CRAVING: I am such an emotional/comfort eater. It's a problem. Chocolate comforts me like no other food. I would love an endless supply of chocolate. Just give me some chocolate, OK? Please??
LOVING: The fact that I am so lucky to have a safe home, enough food in my pantry and fridge, a healthy little boy, a lovely little backyard we can spend lots of time in when it isn't freezing cold and the fact that I can constantly remember these things when everything else feels like too much and my anxiety tries to completely take over.
SAVOURING: The permission the world is giving us to go slow. As hard as it is with a four year old, it's not like everything just stops and I can watch Netflix, read, write and play the piano all day - but there is no expectation to be social right now, no ability to attend functions that maybe don't serve me all that well in the first place. It's not a nice time, but I am enjoying getting to focus purely on my little family of three and my parents.
FEELING: A mixture of things, as usual. Unsettled, a bit claustrophobic, fearful, but also grateful, connected to people on a global scale, knowing we are all in this together.
Take care of yourselves, friends. Stay home, ride the waves and keep well. Sending love and light and as much strength as I possess to anyone who needs it. <3 x
DOING: Typing this while I have a lunch break. The company I work for has instructed anyone who doesn't have direct client contact, to work from home for the foreseeable future. I am incredibly lucky to have the kind of position I do. We are in scary times and it's not lost on me that not everyone has the ability to stay home right now. I haven't felt comfortable sending Isaac to childcare with everything that's going on, purely because my Dad is having some medical treatment at the minute and his immune system is weakened as a result. Last week Isaac was really unwell himself, (nothing to do with COVID-19 and nothing contagious) so he hasn't been to childcare since Dad's treatment started, so at this stage I am happy for them to be around each other. My Dad needs every bit of joy he can get in his life right now, and Isaac can certainly provide some of that. We are of course still being very careful, if Isaac gets sick at all things will change and it all depends on how my Dad is feeling too.
HEARING: "Bleed Me White" by the Sweeplings. I'm in the mood for slow, calming music at the moment... I'm still loving Podcasts too. I finished "Mum says my memoir is a lie" by Rosie Waterland which was brilliant, I've also been listening to a few of her new episodes on "Just the Gist". I just started "Dying for Sex" which is about the sexual awakening of a woman diagnosed with terminal cancer - it's fascinating and heartbreaking and really life-affirming. I've listened to most of Esther Perel's "Where Should We Begin" relationship podcast and also finished "Chasing Cosby" which was shocking... just, horrible what he has done. It was also recommended to me to listen to an episode of the Shameless podcast, called, "A litte dose of joy" (that's where I heard the recommendation to listen to "Dying for Sex"), and at this kind of time where we are living in such uncertain times, it was a really lovely listen.
DRINKING: I don't think I have ever put a different response to this question haha. Right now I am sipping on my drink bottle full of water, I am still drinking lots of coffee, green tea, peppermint tea and Sauvignon Blanc a few nights a week.
BUYING: Reid and I have been trying to be very thoughtful and purposeful about our purchases at the minute given the current climate. We haven't been panic buying, but Reid is the only one who has been going to the supermarket and butcher once a week. We have bought some good quality meat, plenty of vegetables, fruit, bread, toilet paper ha - NOT STOCK PILING, however. I also ordered some craft supplies for Isaac over the next few weeks. Stickers, textas, paints, scrap books, that kind of thing. He isn't entertained by things like that for long, but it can buy me half an hour here and there when I really need it, although of course he would much rather that I'm doing it all with him rather than be drawing or painting on his own. We have just rearranged our rumpus room as a makeshift office for the time being, and we are looking at bookshelf options for one of the walls - I might finally have my dream of floor to ceiling shelves covering an entire wall! It's the same room my piano is in as well, so it would be an office/library/music room. Reid is doing all the research at the moment but the prospect is very exciting and something to look forward to when things all seem a bit dire. We had to cancel our trip to Singapore we were meant to be going on next month which has been a big blow, but there are much more serious things going on and hopefully we can re-book in a year or so when everything has well and truly calmed down...
EATING AND COOKING: I have been in the kitchen quite a lot of late. Isaac is really enjoying baking and helping me cook. We made rainbow cupcakes last week which turned out really nicely, I made a delicious Penang chicken curry last weekend and a really good beef and broccolini stir fry last night. Reid made a couple of big batches of fried rice for his work lunches and we have portions of all of the above in the freezer (except for the cupcakes) to last us a few meals here and there. I am planning on making a batch of Thai pumpkin soup soon and am really into looking up recipes at the minute, there's lots I want to try. There is a particular Dhal recipe I have wanted to try for ages, as well as getting a bit creative with pasta and also tray bakes - I love these kinds of meals.
WANTING: This whole global crisis to end as quickly and as smoothly as possible. I want to be able to focus on the good side of humanity rather than the terrible side - things like this seem to bring both out in spades... I want my Dad, Nan, Grandad and Pop to all stay well and healthy. All my loved ones really, and all of EVERYONE'S loved ones. Stay home if you can people. This risks aren't worth ignoring the social/physical distancing requirements. I would also like to use this opportunity to thank the people who really CAN'T stay home and are doing their best to keep us healthy and supplied with essential services. Doctors, nurses, pharmacists, aged care workers, other support workers, retail/hospitality workers, truck drivers, delivery/postal workers - you're all heroes. Thank you.
DECIDING: Far out. It feels like there's been nothing but big decisions lately. It was really awful that Isaac was so unwell last week, but it has meant he has been away from childcare for over a week and I have decided not to send him back at this stage. That makes my work very difficult to get done, although my boss is allowing my a decent amount of flexibility which I'm very grateful for, and while my Dad is feeling OK and my Mum is taking time off over the next few months, they have offered to help during the afternoons for a bit. All of this could change any minute though depending on Isaac's health (I won't let him near Dad if he's not well) and also my Dad's health (I won't have him with Mum and Dad if my Dad is struggling). These are all very small problems in the grand scheme of things, and at this point I have no choice but to take things day by day and see how things unfold for my family and also for the world...
ENJOYING: Fresh air. Getting outside with Isaac brings me more joy than him at the minute. I am a homebody without doubt, but I have been feeling a little bit claustrophobic, a little bit flustered and a lot anxious. Getting outside in the background and putting my feet on the grass, looking at the sky and taking some deep breaths is helping to keep me grounded. I'm hoping that we will be able to go to some quiet beaches over the coming weeks on the weekends, not to go near anybody else (obviously) but just to have a wander and a play in the sand and breathe the ocean air that is so good for the soul. Moments like that, are what we are all going to need for now I think. We will likely spend a fair bit of time at my parents' bush block on weekends too. Heading up on Saturday mornings every couple of weeks and switching off completely in the fresh air.
WATCHING: Isaac is currently obsessed with Moana. He has never been interested in movies before, but this one is a hit. Although... he does just fast forward to the "Shiny" song and then to the very end with the "lava monster" haha and plays those two parts over and over again. He does like all the songs as well, and we have been listening to them in the car. So fun...
Reid and I have been watching Peaky Blinders. What show!
READING: I have been reading a lot lately and it's been great. Over the last couple of months I have finished Boy Swallows Universe by Trent Dalton which was absolutely brilliant. The Nowhere Child by Christian White which was a different kind of book than I usually go for, but it was really good! This is Going to Hurt by Adam Kay - so good. So funny. So shocking!
I have also been reading bits and pieces from The Way of Rest by Jeff Foster which seems really relevant right now and is such beautiful writing. I am also re-reading The Moonflower Monologues by Tess Guinery here and there, which is a stunning collection of poetry.
PLANNING: There are lots of tentative "plans" running through my head at the moment. I'm writing lists of potential activities for Isaac to do over the coming weeks/months at home, I'm trying to plan meals, how I can be most productive at work while still trying to care for Isaac at least half of the day. I'm trying to plan how we can get through this winter (mentally and emotionally) if we are all still physically distancing, and I'm trying to plan how on earth I can fit in any self care at all. Again, I know my "problems" are very first-world and I am very lucky overall. I am absolutely aware of that and very grateful at the same time as being a bit anxious and overwhelmed by it all.
PLAYING: We have been playing a LOT lately. Isaac is going through one of his "I don't want to play by myself... ever" phases which can be so difficult. I bought a pack of "Bluey" themed cards the other week that has five different game options to do with them. Isaac has been really enjoying Memory and Snap with them. He is really into LEGO at the minute as well as building blocks, his trucks still, of course, and he is also liking to build train tracks and his matchbox cars are a constant favourite as well. Other games like hide and seek and a modified version of I Spy have been happening fairly regularly too.
CRAVING: I am such an emotional/comfort eater. It's a problem. Chocolate comforts me like no other food. I would love an endless supply of chocolate. Just give me some chocolate, OK? Please??
LOVING: The fact that I am so lucky to have a safe home, enough food in my pantry and fridge, a healthy little boy, a lovely little backyard we can spend lots of time in when it isn't freezing cold and the fact that I can constantly remember these things when everything else feels like too much and my anxiety tries to completely take over.
SAVOURING: The permission the world is giving us to go slow. As hard as it is with a four year old, it's not like everything just stops and I can watch Netflix, read, write and play the piano all day - but there is no expectation to be social right now, no ability to attend functions that maybe don't serve me all that well in the first place. It's not a nice time, but I am enjoying getting to focus purely on my little family of three and my parents.
FEELING: A mixture of things, as usual. Unsettled, a bit claustrophobic, fearful, but also grateful, connected to people on a global scale, knowing we are all in this together.
Take care of yourselves, friends. Stay home, ride the waves and keep well. Sending love and light and as much strength as I possess to anyone who needs it. <3 x
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