Hormones. They can be a bitch. We all know that.
I have known for a while that something just really wasn't right with mine. You would think postnatal depression which is largely a hormonal issue would have raised some red flags. You would think that I should know by now to trust my gut and push for answers when I know something is wrong. Live and learn, Katy...
PMS/PMT, whatever you want to call it, is obviously a thing. Huge numbers of women become cranky, moody, irritable, bloated and desperate for comfort food before and during their period.
Me? I become a monster.
So. Much. Rage. My anxiety takes hold of my heart, my lungs, my throat and squeezes until I can hardly get through a day. My impatience reaches unforeseen levels, my bottomless pit of hunger is never satisfied, my emotional outbursts are multiple and the tears over ridiculous things can seem endless. I feel like the worst person in the world when I'm going through it. I know I am unpleasant to be around, but it's not like I can lock myself away from society/mothering/wife-ing for two weeks of the month, as luxurious as that sounds right now...
I started actually tracking my cycle (using the Flo app) and recording my symptoms was really eye opening. I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist in two years about three weeks ago, and I discussed these issues with her and how severely I am affected by my cycle. Two weeks of the month are practically unbearable. Straight away she discussed a diagnosis of Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and as she listed the symptoms, I couldn't believe how accurate it all felt. My mental health isn't exactly stellar at the best of times, but realising that it reaches these peaks during certain times of the month seemed game changing.
I am kind of disappointed that it wasn't discussed or diagnosed sooner to be honest. I have had the implanon in my arm as contraception for nearly three years, and was on the pill for ten years before that. All of those options have possibly caused even more harm to my body. I'm really interested to see how my body responds to no synthetic hormones for the first time in nearly 13 years when I have the implanon removed next Thursday. I'm not expecting miracles, but getting my hormones back to some kind of natural state is something I'm definitely looking forward to. I don't think it's a widely recognised illness at this stage. Like a lot of mental health issues, there's stigma and thoughts attached to it possibly in the "get over it" realm, which is maybe why it hadn't been discussed before. It could also simply be because I only started connecting the dots myself when it came to my cycle over the last six months or so. Who knows?
My lack of ability to cope has meant that my psychiatrist recommended I go back to my original Effexor dose of 225mg per day, which has been a really hard pill to swallow (so punny!...) after I worked so hard to decrease to 150mg, but if I'm being honest with myself, I know that mentally and emotionally I was never "right" after I reduced. The blood pressure considerations are fairly miniscule I believe, and if I need to go on a low dose blood pressure medication, then at this point that is safer for me than trying to come off my medication.
So, long story short, there's finally a plan in place. I'll be on Effexor for the foreseeable future, I'll be coming off any form of hormonal contraception, I've had some blood tests done checking a whole range of other things and should get those results in the coming weeks and I'll be seeing this psychiatrist monthly for a while along with my already monthly appointments with my psychologist. I'm still going to the gym 3-4 times a week, I am eating well most of the time and am working hard to reduce my emotional eating and alcohol consumption. All of these things combined should help...
I hope that one day soon everything will be as well managed as possible and the PMDD monster might retreat and my PMS/PMT symptoms might become slightly less severe - Reid and Isaac (and practically anyone around me at that time...) will definitely be hoping for the same thing!
PMS/PMT, whatever you want to call it, is obviously a thing. Huge numbers of women become cranky, moody, irritable, bloated and desperate for comfort food before and during their period.
Me? I become a monster.
So. Much. Rage. My anxiety takes hold of my heart, my lungs, my throat and squeezes until I can hardly get through a day. My impatience reaches unforeseen levels, my bottomless pit of hunger is never satisfied, my emotional outbursts are multiple and the tears over ridiculous things can seem endless. I feel like the worst person in the world when I'm going through it. I know I am unpleasant to be around, but it's not like I can lock myself away from society/mothering/wife-ing for two weeks of the month, as luxurious as that sounds right now...
I started actually tracking my cycle (using the Flo app) and recording my symptoms was really eye opening. I had my first appointment with a psychiatrist in two years about three weeks ago, and I discussed these issues with her and how severely I am affected by my cycle. Two weeks of the month are practically unbearable. Straight away she discussed a diagnosis of Premenstural Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and as she listed the symptoms, I couldn't believe how accurate it all felt. My mental health isn't exactly stellar at the best of times, but realising that it reaches these peaks during certain times of the month seemed game changing.
I am kind of disappointed that it wasn't discussed or diagnosed sooner to be honest. I have had the implanon in my arm as contraception for nearly three years, and was on the pill for ten years before that. All of those options have possibly caused even more harm to my body. I'm really interested to see how my body responds to no synthetic hormones for the first time in nearly 13 years when I have the implanon removed next Thursday. I'm not expecting miracles, but getting my hormones back to some kind of natural state is something I'm definitely looking forward to. I don't think it's a widely recognised illness at this stage. Like a lot of mental health issues, there's stigma and thoughts attached to it possibly in the "get over it" realm, which is maybe why it hadn't been discussed before. It could also simply be because I only started connecting the dots myself when it came to my cycle over the last six months or so. Who knows?
My lack of ability to cope has meant that my psychiatrist recommended I go back to my original Effexor dose of 225mg per day, which has been a really hard pill to swallow (so punny!...) after I worked so hard to decrease to 150mg, but if I'm being honest with myself, I know that mentally and emotionally I was never "right" after I reduced. The blood pressure considerations are fairly miniscule I believe, and if I need to go on a low dose blood pressure medication, then at this point that is safer for me than trying to come off my medication.
So, long story short, there's finally a plan in place. I'll be on Effexor for the foreseeable future, I'll be coming off any form of hormonal contraception, I've had some blood tests done checking a whole range of other things and should get those results in the coming weeks and I'll be seeing this psychiatrist monthly for a while along with my already monthly appointments with my psychologist. I'm still going to the gym 3-4 times a week, I am eating well most of the time and am working hard to reduce my emotional eating and alcohol consumption. All of these things combined should help...
I hope that one day soon everything will be as well managed as possible and the PMDD monster might retreat and my PMS/PMT symptoms might become slightly less severe - Reid and Isaac (and practically anyone around me at that time...) will definitely be hoping for the same thing!
Image from http://www.mamasthinkingcorner.com/2018/12/pmdd-what-week-is-it.html
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