What Katy Writes

In two days time, my baby boy will be three years old. Three whole years with him in our lives. He has brought with him immeasurable joy, even though my brain has been a bit of a muddle since the trauma of his birth. This vulnerable, raw, incredible time of my life - my labour, is where the decline all began. It highlights to me the flaws in our medical system and the occasional lack of empathy that can be present in a birthing suite (trust me, I know the opposite is also true and there are SO many amazing nurses and midwives out there). Around this time each year since Isaac was born, I start to have involuntary flashbacks. It's always the last half an hour of labour that comes to mind first. I knew in every fibre of my being that something wasn't right. I had asked for an epidural hours before, the midwife basically brushing off the request and telling me things were only going to get less, not more painful.  Flash forward and the room is full of nurses, my Obstet...

Dread. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. Anger. Sounds like the words of a hormonal, emotional teenager - and honestly, it's not an inaccurate description for me lately. I went to my GP a few weeks ago to talk about my medication and get my prescriptions. I have come a long way from what I was taking three years ago, however, I'm still on a fairly high dose of a drug called Effexor (225mg a day). I completely understand my psychiatrist's decision to trial me on this medication at the time of my hospitalisation after I had Isaac - I was literally begging him to make the depression stop, in any way possible. Effexor can work faster than some other antidepressants, but far out - it has changed my brain a lot.  One of the possible side effects is potentially causing high blood pressure, something that has been an issue for me since pregnancy. Long term, it was never intended that I stay on such a high dose anyway, so after talking with my GP and having my blood pressure tested (it was...

DOING: Writing this post and daydreaming about my two weeks off work at the beginning of March.  I feel like the Christmas holidays flew by at a dizzying pace, even though I tried to consciously make an effort to take things slowly and really enjoy the extra family time among catch ups with friends and other lovely "Christmas season" things. HEARING: My January playlist, currently "Grace" by Lewis Capaldi. Such a good song. Having an iTunes subscription is one of the best investments I've ever made.   DRINKING: How good is wine? Almost nothing makes me happier than a glass of New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc. I actually feel like I need to watch myself with it a bit.  Not like, in a "serious problem" kind of way, but do I want to ensure I'm having a drink for the right reasons, you know? Like, "this wine is delicious and I'm really enjoying this glass and feeling relaxed" not "my toddler is driving me to the brink of insanity and ...

It has been a big few months. Particularly the last few weeks. I am tired. I mentioned in my last post that I was organising a fundraising event for PANDA and that I was looking forward to it. Phew. That event completely took it out of me physically, mentally, emotionally - writing a speech and poem and song to share my journey and help raise awareness around perinatal mental health issues absolutely wrecked me.  This took me by surprise initially, as I have obviously shared things openly since Isaac was born; the whole point has been to talk about it and reduce the stigma attached to it all. Doing something on this scale seemed different though, and I was naïve to think it wouldn't affect me so much. Focussing intensely on the traumatic start to Isaac's life for an extended period of time was really difficult. I started to question everything I have been doing - should I be writing here? Should I still be talking about this stuff? Am I no...

DOING: Lying in bed, writing this post. I had my first appointment with a new psychologist today (spoiler alert, she's amazing), and the first session with a therapist is always really emotional and tiring. I had some time in lieu owed to me from work, so I have taken full advantage of that today. Mum and Dad are taking Isaac to their bush block for the night and he was SO excited. I am really grateful for this rest.  HEARING: My "piano" playlist. Currently one of my favourite songs is playing - "You" by Matteo Myderwyk.  DRINKING: Right now, I am having a Remedy Kombucha , the apple crisp flavour. So good! I am still always drinking coffee, water and am favouring peppermint tea at the minute too. New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc is making regular Friday night appearances as well...  EATING & COOKING: I have been eating more crap than usual over the last couple of weeks. There have been birthdays, farewells etc happening in my office and there has...

This post kind of follows on from my previous one.  A lot of my thoughts lately have been revolving around our everyday life and how I want to be spending my time. What are the most important things in your life? Are you making them a priority? I feel like it's easy to list the things that we love, but are we consciously, actively including them as part of our days?  If not, why not? Every single day, I am trying to make time for things that I truly love.  I have written before about our society's tendency to glorify being busy and how much I try to push against that as my norm, although, to be completely honest, I am still far more busy than I would like... but that's just #workingmumlife and also #mytoddlerisahurricane.  Enough hashtags? OK, cool. I love the simple life. There is almost nothing I love more than a day at home with Reid and Isaac, just hanging out together with no functions, no plans, no commitments.  I have realised I ne...

I feel like my last couple of blogs and Instagram posts have been justifications of sorts, for how I choose to live and raise my little boy - the most precious job. I absolutely realise that there is no need to justify myself, as it is my life after all, and I am beyond blessed to live it in whatever way I see fit.  I do like to clarify and explain some of mine and Reid's choices however, as sharing our life in a somewhat public way through blogging and a public Instagram profile (to help with raising awareness around mental health and share my journey) can raise some questions.  I also I find it reassuring to know that if anyone in our life wants to understand things but not talk to us about it (insert eye roll here), they can feel free to read things here if they like (insert thumbs up here). I have everything I have ever wanted.  Not many people can say that.  It hasn't been easy; Reid and I have worked really hard to get where we are,...