What Katy Writes

DOING: Typing this post and taking some deep breaths. It has been a massive few weeks. The COVID-19 situation is impacting everyone in different ways. I try to remain as positive as physically possible and hold onto the perspective that I am ultimately very lucky to be in the position I am. While this is true, it doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. We decided for a number of reasons to pull Isaac out of childcare temporarily in early March. This is my current weekday schedule: 5:30am - get up (if Isaac isn't already awake), shower, make coffee, stumble to my at-home office set up and turn on my work computer 6am - 10am - work. Amongst this four hours of "work" time, Isaac will inevitably have one or two meltdowns minimum, because I'm working. Reid has been able to negotiate to start work later, so he is in charge of Isaac's breakfast/play until 10am, when he leaves for work and he will usually bring me some breakfast during this time as well. I will of...

I haven't written in this space for a while.  The start to 2020 has been tumultuous on a global scale.  Any thoughts and topics I can write about at the moment seem trivial and redundant.  I have a lot going on in my head though, and writing about it creates some clarity.  I also want to share here, because I want to reach out to anyone who needs a break from news articles and sensationalised media stories.  I also want to take the time to say please reach out if you are struggling with everything that's going on. Call a helpline, check on your family and friends, check in with yourself, take deep breaths and drink plenty of water.  I am always here for anyone who needs someone to talk to.  Send me a message, send an email - whatever works.  We are all in this together, and we need to help get each other through as best as we can.  Sending love and strength to everyone right now X. DOING: Typing this while I have a lunch break.  The co...

It's been a big year. Big as far as emotional, mental, psychological and philosophical change go, anyway. In other ways it has been quite unremarkable. Lots of work, lots of toddler play, lots of family time, lots of complaining about being too busy, lots of questioning... everything, lots of planning, lots of attempts to remain grounded and calm and lots of feeling every possible emotion as is my general empath outlook on life. Losing Grandma was without a doubt the hardest thing about this year, and trying to get used to the knowledge that she's not here is something I will continue to struggle with, which I'll go into more detail about soon. There are a few main topics that come to mind when I think about the year in its entirety, so I'm going to have some headings with my thoughts underneath. A somewhat structured approach to my general rambling writing style can't hurt, surely? Haha. PSYCHOLOGICAL:  I started seeing a new psychologist at the beginning...

DOING: Typing this post while looking at our newly erected Christmas tree. HEARING: The click of Reid's video game controls and a clip of trucks that Isaac is watching on the iPad. DRINKING: Right now, a peppermint tea. Often - coffee, water, green tea, wine. EATING AND COOKING: Right now I have some lamb in the slow cooker and will soon roast some dutch cream potatoes, and steam some carrots, corn and broccolini and make some gravy for what has become a Sunday evening tradition over the last few months.  It is really tricky for us to eat as a family most nights through the week. Isaac is generally exhausted from childcare and still goes to bed fairly early (although he is fighting that so much at the minute) and he often has leftovers or even just a sandwich/toast/eggs depending on his mood the second we get him in the door, so I am trying to make an effort to have meals together over the weekend. We all love a roast, and there is generally enough for a leftover mini roast o...

I had one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life this week. I'm still reeling to be honest. When I was first diagnosed with premenstrual dysphoric disorder, it was recommended that I should see a gynaecologist to try to gain some more insight and a tailored treatment/contraception plan. Straight away, I got a referral to the wonderful OBGYN who delivered Isaac and referred me to the Mother Baby Unit when I was so unwell after his birth, and who helped me validate that my experience was not normal - both the birth and the weeks after. I had to wait nearly three months for an appointment, which is fairly standard for most specialist appointments and I didn't think much of it until about a week beforehand. The practice I needed to attend is in the same place as the hospital where I gave birth, and I hadn't been back since my post-Isaac six week check up where I was in a fog of exhaustion, fear and depression, and where Mum and I were in a (minor) car accident imm...

DOING: Writing this while Reid and Isaac play outside - digging with trucks, of course. HEARING: The broom as Reid sweeps up excess sand and dirt from the concrete that Isaac loves to make into "rubbish dumps". Reid doesn't cope overly well with our son's favourite pastime at the minute haha. Our backyard is basically full of random holes in dirt patches and random piles of dirt and sand on the cement/pavers. DRINKING: Right now, a peppermint tea. Regularly: coffee, water, Kirk's no sugar lemonade (I know, I know, death in a can, artificial sweetener etc) and Sauvignon Blanc. Loving kombucha too. LOOKING: Forward to next April. We are going to Singapore! That's right, you read correctly. I, Katy Paul, anxious traveller x infinity, is going to Singapore with Reid and Isaac for Easter next year. We are going to meet my sister, brother-in-law and niece there and they have been there heaps of times which eases my anxiety a lot. There is amazing things fo...

I'm pretty sure that every decent parent worries that they're somehow screwing up their children. There's no such thing as a perfect parent and therefore no such thing as a perfect childhood.  I absolutely know that Reid and I are trying our best, that we struggle to be patient even though we know it's unhelpful to be reactive. We shower our little boy with so much love though, and I have to hope against hope that this will be enough to help guide him as he grows and I hope he can always talk to us about the things he's going through. I know he's only little, he has so much growing and developing to do, but when things play on my mind, I just have to write about them - get it all out so I can try to look at things from a different perspective. Isaac has had a big year since turning three, and I was warned by lots of people that this was going to be a tough year as far as toddler antics, big emotions, lots of curiosity and rapid brain development. I do...