What Katy Writes

DOING: Reflecting on the beautiful day I've had with Reid and Isaac.  Isaac seems to be going through something at the minute.  I'm not sure if I can put it down to a growth spurt or something developmental but he's been even more attached to my side than usual.  Wanting lots of cuddles and reassurance and his sleep hasn't been great either (is it ever..??). I'm happily (for the most part) obliging and showering him with affection and relishing these moments that I know won't last forever. I made a real effort to be completely present with him this weekend and not distracted too much by chores/my phone. HEARING: The song "Borderline" by Florrie that's started playing on my current playlist. I am still obsessed with podcasts.  Current favourites are "The Shrink Next Door", "Live Free Creative" and "Man in the Window". I have a varying range of interests haha. DRINKING: A lot less wine! My alcohol free week was s...

I like wine. Lately, I would go so far as to say, I love wine. Let me just start by saying this is not intended to come across as a judgemental post at all, I am purely sharing my thoughts and experiences with alcohol and the current situation I find myself in with it. Bottom line - you do you! There are quite a few articles/thoughts/people who have discussed the "wine/mummy culture" that seems to be synonymous with parenting today. I found the thought disturbingly accurate, and I definitely started noticing how often social media accounts I follow (a lot of which are "mummy bloggers/influencers") talked about alcohol consumption and how necessary it is to be a functioning parent. I totally understand that parenting is hard. It's insanely hard some days, and sometimes that drink to take the edge off is more than understandable. I guess I have started wondering what kind of example I would like to set for Isaac when it comes to alcohol. I'm definitel...

I've been finding it difficult to blog lately. I have realised more and more how much I wish writing could somehow be my full-time reality, and then the pressure that came along with that realisation kind of got me stuck in a bit of a writer's block rut.  I have lots of ideas, LOTS of thoughts, feelings... all that jazz, but I don't know where to go from here.  I feel like I have to rip the band-aid off and at least get something happening; so apologies in advance if this post is even more "rambly" than usual. Things have been a bit hard. I feel like Reid and I have been struggling to be on the same page over the past few months mostly because we are both working so hard, he has been heavily focused on big projects at his work and as well as extra training for karate and being away for a competition recently, and I have felt a bit out of the loop. Isaac is a normal three year old who is incredibly delightful and frustrating and I have felt like a lot of parent...

Music is another form of therapy for me. Writing and music along with professional help and medication are the things I turn to for help and to cope. Whenever I hear things that make me feel slightly more understood, that resonate with me profoundly and help get things out in the open about mental health issues, I feel that they are definitely worth sharing and talking about. The song "Heavy" by Linkin Park has been one of my favourites since the first time I heard it.  It's not new, but it has been in my head for days now and it's compelled me to write about it. The lyrics are so spot on when it comes to my own journey, it's honestly as if I could have written it myself. I'm going to share the song lyrics here, then write some of my own thoughts and reflections about how I have connected with this song and used it as personal therapy at times. Heavy - Linkin Park I don't like my mind right now, stacking up problems that are so unnecessary,  W...

DOING: Sitting on the bed and writing this post. Isaac has been particularly challenging over the last few days (just normal three year old stuff) so I'm taking a few minutes to take a breath. Although I have no doubt he will be creeping into the room shortly! He is very attached to his Mama of late. Beautiful, exhausting - always opposing feelings jostling for frontrunner. HEARING: The song "Steady Now" by nilu - I am loving it, have had it on high rotation this week. I am also right into podcasts at the minute. So many good ones out there that make my lunch time gym sessions more enjoyable haha. My favourites so far would have to be "Cold", "Dirty John", "Gilmore Guys" (obviously), "The Dropout" - I've only just started this one, "Who the Hell is Hamish?" and the obsession started with "The Teacher's Pet". I've also listened to some good parenting episodes on "Unruffled" and "Feed...

In two days time, my baby boy will be three years old. Three whole years with him in our lives. He has brought with him immeasurable joy, even though my brain has been a bit of a muddle since the trauma of his birth. This vulnerable, raw, incredible time of my life - my labour, is where the decline all began. It highlights to me the flaws in our medical system and the occasional lack of empathy that can be present in a birthing suite (trust me, I know the opposite is also true and there are SO many amazing nurses and midwives out there). Around this time each year since Isaac was born, I start to have involuntary flashbacks. It's always the last half an hour of labour that comes to mind first. I knew in every fibre of my being that something wasn't right. I had asked for an epidural hours before, the midwife basically brushing off the request and telling me things were only going to get less, not more painful.  Flash forward and the room is full of nurses, my Obstet...

Dread. Overwhelm. Exhaustion. Anger. Sounds like the words of a hormonal, emotional teenager - and honestly, it's not an inaccurate description for me lately. I went to my GP a few weeks ago to talk about my medication and get my prescriptions. I have come a long way from what I was taking three years ago, however, I'm still on a fairly high dose of a drug called Effexor (225mg a day). I completely understand my psychiatrist's decision to trial me on this medication at the time of my hospitalisation after I had Isaac - I was literally begging him to make the depression stop, in any way possible. Effexor can work faster than some other antidepressants, but far out - it has changed my brain a lot.  One of the possible side effects is potentially causing high blood pressure, something that has been an issue for me since pregnancy. Long term, it was never intended that I stay on such a high dose anyway, so after talking with my GP and having my blood pressure tested (it was...